Couples Therapy Berlin
A fulfilling relationship is one of the most wonderful things you can hope for. However, many couples are caught up in endless fights, often around little things.
Disappointments and frustrations are common, but hardly anyone knows the way back to a happy relationship.
And here couples therapy comes into play.
I have helped more than 1000 couples solve their relationship issues and turn towards one another again, emotionally and physically.
Through couples therapy (or rather couple counselling) I would like to support you too to improve your relationship and make it a place where you can feel safe again.
Your partner can once again become the person who is your best friend and your lover. With whom you can laugh and cry, discuss for hours and talk about everything.
Your partner in crime, and the one with whom you feel the lightheartedness you once felt. And most and foremost: the person who understands and accepts you with all your flaws and wounds.
Even if it is hard to imagine: there is a solution for most couple issues! You are not alone and it is not a bad thing that you can’t come up with the answer yourself as „relationships“ is not taught at school.
Better understanding of each other
Quick conflict resolution
What are good reasons for a couples therapy?
Not accepting different views
Stressors outside of the relationship
Little understanding for one another
Lack of communication
Lack of trust
Of course, this list is far from being complete, but gives a good idea on what most couples deal with. You can probably identify with one or two points yourself.
As Esther Perel, one of the masters of couple therapy, says: „The quality of your life is as good as the quality of your relationships“! Therefore many don’t only have couple issues, but also problems with concentration, psychosomatic disorders, anxiety and depression. Relationship trouble must be taken very seriously and can make life hell. Act now and don’t wait until it’s too late...
FAQ on couples therapy
Now you probably know that you want couples counselling and are eager to learn more about it in a glance. Here you go!
What is the success rate?
Chances are good if both partners are willing to invest time and energy over a longer period of time.
Those who have met Birgit Fehst not only notice right away that she is very competent and empathetic, but most and foremost very clear and comes to the point fast. The positive results speak for themselves. For me she is the number 1 recommendation when it comes to couple therapy.
We learned more about ourselves and each other, how to communicate better, and more. It's been a little over a year since we had our last appointment and we still talk about the homework she would give us in-between our sessions and how much they helped us. We recommend Birgit to anyone looking for a couples' therapist.
Frederik von G.
We had grown apart and lost respect for each other. We felt very understood by Mrs. Fehst and after a few sessions we could understand each other again as well. We now know how to speak about our feelings and needs.
How can I support you?
My experience. Your new beginning.
Nena, a famous German singer from the 80s, sang the strong words: „Love is made from courage“ and that is true.
You are courageous too when you take the first step to actively improve your relationship. To be really interested in seeing and hearing your partner and find out about his or her real needs.
And that is what we will do: we talk straight, the no fuss approach, speak it all out. With a scientific basis, yet much understanding for all human matters.
A success factor is -of course- also my international training and the variety of my methods.
There is not just one way to live and to love, so there is no methods that always works. My hands on experience has shown me what works and what doesn’t.
I like to work with the tools of John Gottman, David Schnarch, Esther Perel, Ulrich Clement, the findings of modern neuroscience and many more approaches.
My name is Birgit Fehst, I am 52 years old, have a beautiful office in Berlin-Charlottenburg and I am looking forward to working with you soon!
How much does a couples therapy cost?
The costs for a couples therapy always include the preparation of the session and the evaluation of the 35 pages long Questionnaire. Additionally you always have the chance to contact me in between sessions, which is highly valuable, especially in times of crisis.
Couples Therapy 1,5 hours: 195 Euros
Couples Therapy Intensive 3 hours: 380 Euros
Couples Therapy Power Day: 1200 Euros
At 6 PM and on Saturdays there is an additional fee of 20 Euros per session (not for the Power Day). You can cancel sessions any time up until 36 hours beforehand without costs. Only afterwards 130 Euros will be charged as the appointment cannot be given to someone else any more. So you might want to book two or three sessions in advance for every other week to avoid possible longer waiting periods in between sessions.
What is in it for you?
A couples therapy can help you to improve your relationship as well as your entire life (as mentioned above). But why do you need help and can’t deal with those issues yourselves? There is nothing wrong with you, so things should work out better!
Right, and that’s why the term „therapy“ is not quite right, as we deal with an irritation in your interactions and not with a psychopathology. So we are rather „Couple teachers“ or „Relationship counsellors“, coaches or trainer would also hit the spot. We had to learn ourselves how relationships work. And now we pass on that knowledge.
Many conflicts and dynamics keep repeating themselves.They are part of human nature. These conflicts were the target of in depth research of the „masters of couple therapy“ and they have developped methods to deal with them better.
So you will get tools with which you can work at home on a daily basis. And you will get tools for a better understanding of one another. You are both individuals with different personality styles, different opinions, needs and values.
If you are really ready to fully understand your partner you will be able to find solutions for your issues much more easily. According to John Gottman 69% oft he conflicts are not solvable in a sense that one is right and the other one is wrong. Often times we simply have different needs and perspectives and all are okay.
In my private practice I will help you to find a much more harmonious way to solve your conflicts, not matter what they are.
Couples therapy step by step
From this point on I cannot generalize anymore but tell you how I will work with you. Others might do it differently. These steps are not carved in stone, but rather represent a typical sequence. Every couple comes with their own individual challenges, so it can happen that in your case it looks completely different. I will also add some remarks about which tools I use, as that information is important for some people.
What goes wrong in your relationsip?
We analyze what exactly you are dealing with over and over again and define your goals. What exactly would you like to change? What do you want instead?
Here I often work with the questionnaire and the tools by John Gottman. He has analyzed thousands of couples in his love lab and is able to make a prognosis of 94% accuracy about the course of the relationship. But even a negative prognosis doesn’t mean that you cannot make it. You have already become active and are ready for a change. However, that change should indeed be initiated soon...
Disrupting the couple dynamics
If frequent fights are in the center of attention, I’ll show you right in the first session how to get out of there. If sexuality is your topic, I’ll show you ways for getting the sex you want.. And if an affair threatens the relationship, I’ll show you how you can find your way back together.
Modern neuroscience has answers on how to get out of the traps couples fall into real quick. The methods of emotions focused couples therapy have a wonderful explanation for couple dynamics and how to turn them around. As a certified systemic sex therapist I use the knowledge of the systemic society and Sexocorporel. And regarding affairs I have learnt a lot from Esther Perel and David Schnarch.
From negative to positive
To simply disrupt a dysfunctional couple dynamic is not enough. We need to find the source of the negativity. What triggers you? Or what was the real reason for the infidelity? The interaction between you two cannot get better if you have a constant underlying feeling of resentment; no matter which tools you use. Not matter which tools you use. The negativity has to go. But- just to eliminate the negative, again, isn’t what makes you happy. You have to rebuild your emotional bank account. I’ll show you how to do that without falling back into old patterns.
In order to gain a better understanding for each other, I use various personality profiling models and again the findings of John Gottman.
The course and length of a couples therapy
You make an appointment either online, or you use the contact form, send an email or call me. I will contact you about an first session of 1,5 hours (or even 3 or 8 hours). I don’t do any free trial sessions. However, if during the first half hour of the session you notice that the chemistry is not right, we can stop right there without any further costs.
There is no minimum or maximum of sessions. You decide how often and over which period of time you would like to come. Most couples come between 4 and 8 times.
There are also couples who book only one or two sessions to get some kick start impulses. And there are couples who repeatedly work with me over years in order to stay on the right track.
One session normally lasts 1,5 hours. But you also have the possibilty to book a double session of 3 hours or even a complete Power Day! I have clients from all over Germany and even other countries who like to take advantage of that opportunity. If you need more information, you will find them here.
Choosing the right couples therapist
There are numerous couples therapists in Berlin. However, it is not common to get a recommendation for one within your circle of friends, as most people don’t really openly talk about doing a couples therapy. So most people actually find their councellor on Google. Thing is: everybody can name themselves „counsellor“. The term „therapist“ can only be used by someone who has an official state diploma that allows him to use the title, but that is not frequently checked by anyone.
So, here is what I can recommend you pay attention to:
A university degree in psychology is good, but not necessary. A long and intense training, however, does make sense. Get some information on different forms of couples therapy and read what the therapists offer. Not every method is for everyone.
The references are important too and might give you an insight on how the therapist works. But point 2 is just as important and that is:
It is well known that the success of a therapy depends on the chemistry between the client and the counsellor. Does it „click“ when you read the website?
But even if you were wrong and the first sessions wasn’t as pleasant as you thought, feel free to choose someone else. That happens! There is no „one size fits all“...